Acting is my ART and You Chose Your Own
I need acting like some people need air. I am so tired of how horrible people have been to me especially women. Women have been more critical and degrading and bullying to me then men. I am not gay. I would not want to be in a relationship with a woman because it is a woman who attacked me over and over on line to protect the men who assaulted and abused me in the industry. Meryl Streep was told she was ugly. I have been told to go to New York, and she seemed to have to do that to. How many women in Los Angeles admire Streep but then how many of you would have treated her the way the industry treated her? Stop bullying me. I do not like how I look but I still want to be in front of a Camera and if there is someone who wanted to hire me to act, my union and a small group of sexist bigots should not be preventing me. I earned SAG. I worked for it. Since when is it OK for a person to work to join a UNION and then be denied equality. I am not ever going to work in LAW. I quit in 2002. I hate it. I am not a photographer. I am not good at taking images of people. I am not CRAZY. I think it is crazy that people are playing GOD WITH MY FUTURE. I do not have a future now. I wil never have a future because without acting my confidence is shattered and I do not want to even leave my apartment.
Someone on line accused me of being BRAINWASHED. I think you are the one brainwashed. I am not in a cult. I am a person who was happy for the first time in my life and doing what I wanted when I was working on sets. I have talent. I used to read books and pretend to be characters in those books. As a child books were my friends. My imagination was my friend. Attacking me over and over and telling me I can not create stories. I can not do acting, that is damaging to me. I use to come up with poetry and characters and story ideas and you call that talent BRAINWASHING. If you thinking making me leave LOS ANGELES is going to make me quit being an actor and wake up and be a regular AMERICAN- I have never been that person you think. I wanted to be an ACTOR when I was a child and my father would tell me I had to be a lawyer. My father is the one who BRAINWASHED ME into a path I hate. I told my brother growing up I never wanted to do what our father did. I never wanted to work for the government or politics. I got a theater degree in College way before I even knew what SCIENTOLOGY was.
I am tired of who ever it is in the industry who keeps being passive aggressive with my life. I keep getting musicians following me on Twitter. I think it is Scientology playing games. I may be wrong or someone with my UNION. I am not a socialist. I am not interested in being told what I am supposed to be doing with my life for the greater good. I have an inner compass and it wants a mentally healthy existence. For me that does not mean I do what others think I am best at. I am not a musician. I am not a pop star. I have a THEATER DEGREE. I am good at acting. STOP BEING JEALOUS OF THAT.
On a side note. DO not join a religion or cult to be a better artist. The art comes from within you. It will not help you if you are being manipulated into giving up your financial resources to a group that will in all honesty only let certain people be actors. It is not healthy to not have free will It is scary to be alone. It is also scary though to be trapped with people you do not want stuck in your life. If you are religious that is your choice. Cult is defined as:
A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader.
You do not need a leader. It is hard but just look at how messed up the world is with dictators and leaders. Irony in the major religions worshiping an ICON is considered a sin. We live in a time of hypocrisy,
I started doing a YouTube show called Cognition because I was tired. I was tired of the attacks and the cultist attitudes. I want people to THINK. I do not want people to worship me even as an actor. I want you to use your brain and really analyse the world. Be willing to question, but not in a paranoid sense. Study history. Study psychology. Explore ideas. But never lose touch with who you are. Violence is not the answer to any of what is going on and I wish we could get past that.
People talk about LOVE and COMPASSION in California a great deal. But it is not about judging and it is not telling others how to live. It is not jealousy. If you do not like that someone else is happy is that on them or you?
To people who think I need to do theater to be on sets or work harder. Do you really know how much I have worked or is that just elitism or jealousy talking.
We do not need a world where we do not have individual identity. I would argue that is a key element missing for women in this patriarchy we live in. I think that is why I have been attacked by women. No matter how much we may say we do not want the patriarchy, we also seem to have a problem with letting women stand alone and strong.
I leave you with the theme song that is about leaving home and pursuing your goals. This is “My Life.” I think every artist has a right to their own ideas and their own expression. I have the right to my choice of medium. Who ever you are messing with my twitter and stalking me, you can not change who I am. You are mentally abusing me and I wanted love and a family. We do not live in a democracy if I am not allowed with my community. I am a story teller and a dreamer. I have to do what is best for me. You do not know what that is. I DO.
